Memories are traitors. They don’t fight fair. They sucker punch you to disorientation: a scent, a place, a book, a song, a line. They gut you. Brutally intrude your innermost subconscious and creep around silently, making you stop and lose it for a second.

Then, when you’re just about wrapping your head around what happened, they just walk casually by, oblivious of what has traspired. While you, you shake your head, go your way and move forward. These memories break you. Bit by bit. Until you realize you’ve come too far from that place where you’ve lost your fragments and it’s far too late to return and find them.


So What (Happens Now)?

What happens when you finally stop missing someone?
What happens when all the angry words have been mouthed?
What happens when you lay down at night feeling emptier than ever?
What happens when everything you are holding on to are just illusions?
What happens when you think you’re ok but you’re barely getting by?
What happens when people think you’re in control but truly you are falling apart?
What happens when it’s too late to call it a night and too early to call it morning, yet you lie wide awake wanting to just disappear?
What happens when something concrete is disappearing like pixie dust in front of you?
What happens when you just want all this to end, but the start is knotted somewhere in this endless spool?
And all you can do is pull and pull and pull till you’re tired
And you’ll realize your life is just one big mess and pulling won’t help
So you decide to let go and cut it and start anew.
So what happens now?


Playlist on Repeat

Certain songs
Press on you heart
With invisible weight
And leave marks
Of the person
your memories conjure.

You hold your chest
Hoping the pain will leave
If you relax
And breathe right
The song stops
Yet your heart continues to ache.

Worry not,
The ache will turn into throbs
The throbs will calm down and fade
When finally you get to steady yourself
That’s when the next song
Starts to play.



Been driving forever
With tears in my eyes
While the sun sets
Wishing for your soul on my side.

The greens of the mountains
The grays of my days
The cool breeze on my cheeks
The cold grip of my nights.

These long drives
Both kill and breathe life
Both calm and chaos
To my grieving, dying heart.

I’m nearing my destination
I’m nearing the end
This winding road
Always leads back to one place.

Now I stand by your door
Wanting to feel once more
Wanting to breathe once more
Because at this moment
You’d see my head held high
But my heart has shattered on the floor.



I’m letting go of you
And who we’ve become
After our second chance.

You’ve saved me
From drowning and dying
Your presence gave me the will
To live for even just another year.

I’m closing my eyes
And my heart
To our possibility.

But we are tainted
We are jaded
We are broken
We need to be whole on our own again.

I’m moving forward
With your memories
But without you.

I need saving
I need life
But this time
I need to get me back
And save me.



Should you want to be alone,
Do it for the right reason.
Not because you’re jumping from one unhealthy relationship
To another complicated one.
Your freedom should be yours
And you should be responsible for it.
Not dictated by anyone or anything
But because you love yourself enough
To know that you could stand up
And you could be happy
With yourself, by yourself
And not dependent on a person.
The reason should be self-love
And contentment and simply being.